who of you?

I am consumed by my desires. Honestly, I wonder if anyone is different, though I believe myself a special case.
I always want more, greedily, like a dog, and it’s not until I’m sick and overwhelmed that I’ll stop. Even then, it’s only a few days again until I want that certain thing.
Part of me marvels that I’m not a drug-addicted alcoholic, but I know those things do harm to my body. Which is also why I’m not fat.
But my emotions, my mental needs.
Those are never, ever sated.
Are any one’s?
It’s nerve-wracking when sometimes you’re so hungry for that.
I don’t want love. I just want that rush.
I don’t want to feel hooked. I want to feel set on fire.
I don’t
want
to be influenced to copy
I want to be caressed by muses. Let’s say molested.
But it’s hard. I think because I’m too self-conscious,
which isn’t by a lot.
I’m just afraid to scare people away cause I care too much about opinions.
Something about that disgusts me.
But I’m too sweet to be that belligerent.
If I had clear skin and a flat belly, I’d be too much. Just maybe.
I’m too humble to be so vain.
But slowly I want to break all my limits
one after another another another
till I’m raw and someone wants to
reel me in
I’ll never rest easy.
Who is ever satisfied, even for a day?
Who talks about themselves this much?
Who is selfless?
I’ll never rest easy.

13 March 2006